...

Chet Baker

2010-04-28T18:06:00.000-07:00

"My funny Valentine
Sweet comic Valentine
You make me smile with my heart
Your looks are laughable
Unphotographable
Yet you're my favourite work of art

Is your figure less than Greek
Is your mouth a little weak
When you open it to speak
Are you smart?"

He looks like such a great ol' romantic.

2.5 years

2009-03-31T23:24:00.000-07:00

The last page of my journal has these three words written on it: the last page. That's it. That's the end to 2.5 years of my thoughts. For some reason, I was unable to write anything else on that page. I felt, by writing a last entry, that I was letting go of those 2.5 years of my life. The last time I wrote in it was July 26th, 2008, and I haven't been able to write anything in it since.

I am so attached to this journal--or "everything book" as I used called it. It's very silly of me, I know. For me, it's a window into who I am as a person, and this is comforting because, I mean, who am I anyway? Does anyone really know they are?

Somehow this little 8x5 in. notebook embodies who I am as a person I think. In it are stuffed pictures I love, letters I cherish, ticket stubs to concerts, funny to-do lists, and word definitions written on notecards. Oh yeah, that's right, and my SOUL.

...Gee whiz, I hope no one ever finds it and reads it until long after I'm dead.

My sister gave it to me, long ago. She said she wasn't ever going to use it, so she tossed it to me while she was cleaning out her clutter one day. At the time, I thought it looked very cliche' since it has this quote by some guy named Neil Martinique on the front about living your dreams and whatnot. After the first fifty times of reading that front cover though, I began to really believe it what it was saying, and it became quite inspiring to me. It really spoke to me when I was down. There sure is some merit to those cliche' sayings.

Since then I've stuck old pictures on it, spilled coffee on it, drawn weird lookin' flowers on it, written lyrics over those pictures, and put random stickers all on this little thing.

I always laugh at those people who have "In case of fire, rescue cat" stickers on their front doors, but I kind of feel the same way about this "everything book" as they do their cat.

-n

And I would like to cry in the car.
The blue violet hills and the voice of Neil Young.
I left the flowers outside your door.
Your curtains were flying,
Though you were not at home.

-The Innocence Mission

Andrew Bird

2008-12-14T16:14:00.000-08:00

"Out on the road when your only friend is a traveler's song..."

2008-11-24T19:58:00.000-08:00

Be Kind by Devendra Banhart
Traveler's Song by Fruit Bats
Details of the War by Clap Your Hands Say Yeah
Say Hello by Rosie Thomas
Father and Son by Cat Stevens
Hollow and Bold by Marla Hansen
Tables and Chairs by Andrew Bird
(Antichrist Television Blues) by The Arcade Fire
Flim by The Bad Plus
Let's Go Bowling by Camera Obscura
The Crane Wife 3 by The Decemberists
The Lakes of Canada by The Innocence Mission
Resurrection Fern by Iron and Wine
Both Sides Now by Joni Mitchell

I made this mix during a competition my friend Catie Ramage and I got into. We still haven't decided who has won yet.

On another note...

I love this photograph right there. The combination of that last Joni Mitchell song and looking at it makes me...sad? Maybe. Or happy. Funny how I'm not sure which...

"Tears and fears and feelin' proud,
to say "I love you" right out loud,
dreams and schemes and surface crowds,
I've looked at life that way.
but now old friends are acting strange
they shake their heads, they say I've changed,
well somethin's lost, but somethin's gained
in livin' everyday
I've looked at life from both sides now
from win and lose
and still somehow
it's life's illusions
I recall
I really don't know life...at all." - Joni Mitchell

i like listening to these:

2008-11-24T19:47:00.000-08:00

How My Heart Behaves by Feist
Silent Life by Fruit Bats
Track 5 (I forget what it's called--shame on me!) by The Innocence Mission
Broken Chair by Jim Guthrie
Bridges and Balloons (Joanna Newsom cover) by The Decemberists
Grapevine Fires by Death Cab for Cutie
Hey Mama Wolf by Devendra Banhart
Are You Lonely? by Denison Witmer
Seaweed by Fruit Bats
Free Man in Paris by Joni Mitchell
Heartbeats by Jose Gonzalez
Bandits by Midlake (<--this one seems to make it into nearly every one of my mixes)

Sometimes I delight in the way my notes look...

2008-11-20T20:18:00.000-08:00

I wrote this during Old Testament class:

Sunshine lay across my paper,
Caress my brow
with your blinding light
lifeless beauty
has not been touched by you

if Death were to have me,
I should close my eyes
my last waking moments
Amidst a wet field
seeping through my stupid clothes

I will join the the Dead,
the dead of the trees
and slowly sink
Gladness will fill my body
from my lips to my fingertips

Appreciating the naturality,
the light flickering,
shattering through the leaves,
the Living
in my imaginative--
my native mind.

....oh my, I am so easily distracted. Lyrics run through my brain in multitudes, and i start to actually think. i have to take advantage of those moments though. ha!

hello, first-post-in-months. welcome back to life.

Every Little Thing She Does (is Magic),

2008-04-06T21:34:00.000-07:00

she does only to avoid writing the dreaded essays which have been laying at her feet all week.

Indeed it's true. I'm the laziest person ever in the whole world. Maybe that's not actually true, but then again, maybe it is! Either way, this is how I feel.

I have to answer this question in essay form: Another important theme of Black Like Me is that blacks and whites behave differently in one another's company than they do when they are amongst themselves. How does this affect Griffin's experience? What does it say about the level of understanding between the two races?

It's either that question or four others having to do with this book, Black Like Me. It's a pretty incredible book, don't get me wrong, I just don't want to write right now, my friends. Ha! And I want to be an english major--who am I kidding? If I can't handle a 20th Century Lit. class, how am I to withstand college?

Dash it all to pieces!
I'm
going
to bed.

Pray for B.K. Taylor

2008-03-16T19:01:00.001-07:00

Just a reminder for myself and my Readers.
Listening to Regina Spector makes me think of Beth.
That is what triggered this post.

Peace 'n Love, B.K.

"They made a statue of us,
and put it on a mountain-top.
Now tourists come and stare at us...
blow bubbles with their gum--
take photographs of fun,
have fun!"

2008-03-13T20:20:00.001-07:00

Sometimes I write posts just so people don't see the previous one right away when they look at this web page.

"Is love a fancy, or a feeling?" was something Maryanne said in the movie (at least, in the book too, maybe) Sense and Sensability.
I thought of this last night while skipping off to the kitchen while Kate and I were watching "Dan in Real Life".(Which was brilliant, by the way--so is the soundtrack. Get it.)
"A fancy." I said coldly to myself, after which I took a big swig of tea and walked into the family room.

aye.
this is what you call pointless writing...one of those jokes where people are waiting to hear the punchline that never comes.

haha. goodnight, brothers and sisters.

A Nat Mix (ANM), One She Created all by Herself

2008-03-02T21:41:00.000-08:00

Save it by Jim Guthrie
Unguided by The New Pornographers
Ten Silver Slide Trombones by Don Peris
Concrete Seconds by Pinback
Calender Girl by Stars
Grey Ice Water by Sun Kil Moon
Section 24 (The Fragile Army) by The Polyphonic Spree
Bandits by Midlake
Resurrection Fern by Iron and Wine
Pretty Mary K by Elliott Smith
The Rollercoaster Ride by Belle and Sebastian
Un Dernier Verre(Pour La Route) by Beirut
The Nervous Tic Motion of the Head to the Left by Andrew Bird
Challengers by The New Pornographers
Forgiven by Denison Witmer
Tomorrow is a Long Place by Nickel Creek (Bobby D. cover)
Broken Chair by Jim Guthrie

This is my room.

2008-02-28T10:37:00.002-08:00

take a look! it's really messy though, i'm warning you, and it doesn't look too stellar or anything.
some of them are sideways--haha. i couldn't get 'em to rotate.

2008-02-27T20:48:00.000-08:00

sometimes i feel i cannot make my posts interesting unless i include a picture or video. ?

to my right there is a weight watcher's bottle of orange soda (or should we call it, orange puke!) that is three quarters of the way drunk. i wonder who did that. probably some poor, unforunate soul who made the discovery of it's true intentions in mid-gulp.

why is it that on every other time of the year, do i have the urge to eat those little, sugary valentine's day candy hearts, but not on valentine's day? they will reside in my top drawer for fully six months before i acquire even the slightest craving that will induce me to eat them.

my ears are beginning to hurt from these clip-ons. i would take them off if i didn't think i looked so cool in them. it's not like there is even anyone around me! it's as if i think there is a hidden camera somewhere in this cluttered basement, recording me. me, being stupid and silly.

i have taken them off now. ashamed of myself.

i have taken to drawing trees lately, and pictures of people looking at objects that are symbolic of what they are thinking of, or of things they are subconciously trying to find in their lives. again, ?

this is a very identifying stage in my life. this whole year has been. so, if you ask how i am doing, that is probably what i am wanting to answer you with, but i'll most likely just say, "fine."

now, this is all very personal (haha, well, some of it anyway), so don't go chattin' it around to all your friends and moms. and don't over-analyze it. not that you would, i'm no Holden Caulfield or anything.

i love that name. i think i will name something/someone sometime in my life, it.

Introducing: Yael Naim

2008-02-25T21:28:00.000-08:00

Brett and I were watching T.V., and the new Apple commercial came on to tell about their new crazi-thin Macbook, and a pretty, catchy piano started to play. I watched, but more listened with delight to this happy melody.
How exactly music has that incredible potential to evoke such happiness or thoughtfulness in people, is beyond me. It is something I have often thought about.
So, I said, "Brett, who is this singing?"
And he said, "I don't know...but I think she's Isreali or something."
And I said, "Listen, Son, you better find out for me, 'cause you're smart with stuff like that."
And he said, "Like heck I will!"

So I found out who she was from Hannah A.M. Oliver.
Watch the vid, it's really...well, nevermind. Just watch it.

Carson-Newman Update No. 1

2008-02-24T19:39:00.000-08:00

it was nice...

tenessee is pretty goober-ish, and i can barely stand it...SO glad i am home.
but i'm not holding it against the college, they can't really help the location, i suppose.

so, it was darn stellar, man, but only made my college decision much, much harder.

P.S. did i mention before how i would pat myself on the back (if i did that) for the way i picked out these lovely colors on my blog?
no. i think not.
sometimes am proud.
mostly about my blog.
and i think
that
is okay.
to be proud like that.

2008-02-21T19:17:00.000-08:00

I'm leaving for the weekend...

have a lovely one.

Carson-Newman, here I come!

2008-02-13T15:50:00.000-08:00

do you see the ugly blue wallpaper?

yes...well...look again, my friend. it's completely gone.
i need to take pictures of the new and improved...
maybe i will
do
that
there
stuff
right
now.

2008-02-08T11:54:00.000-08:00

man, this cover is the best.
hello, my favorite band, sufjan and i both love you.

It's a Wednesday, and it definitely feels like it.

2008-02-06T14:52:00.001-08:00

So, i'm not sure what to write...all i know is that i want to write something. i mean, who wants to listen to nothing, really?
because that's probably all i'll say in this post...nothing. absolutely nothing. well, maybe i'll say something. it just probably won't be very much worth your time. ha!

so...i've been having some interesting thoughts, mounting excitements, and also some apprehensions.
i'm excited about going to college. REALLY excited. just thinking about what things might be like for me next year and stuff, being able to go away (hopefully), and stuff. but then i'm kind of scared. will i make good friends? will people like me there? will i get crazy homesick?
will i keep in touch with my good friends here?
what will it be like.

i learned how to play the B minor chord yesterday on the guitar. i like how that one sounds. it's also very hard for me to play.

...catching myself on thoughts that are wrong, thoughts that are assuming and arrogant. i don't think i do always catch myself when i'm thinking wrong things. why, i don't know. but i believe it's important to realize this, so i can work on it.

i've been wondering what people see in me, or if they see much in me. constantly my thoughts are bad, i am guilty of so many things. thank Jesus Christ for His blood and mercy.

i can see alot of life in you, yes,
i can see alot of life...

Today

2008-02-02T17:58:00.001-08:00

...i almost cursed out a bird. really badly....but then i remembered that i might wake up someone if i did. heh. see how considerate i am?

...got discouraged about my room. there's no more happy joy in tearing off the wall paper. i almost cursed out that wall too. "tear down the wall, aren't we all? the opposite of war isn't peace..." -good old Mark from Rent.

...i am, due to the dreadfully difficult wallpaper, wearing frumpy sweat pants and a beater.

...had two "angels" sent to me by my mother. they took the form of Ryan and Sean.

...i am in a bad mood.

...i had breakfast with amy and beth.

...i met amy's new roommate, and liked her.

...i borrowed a chic flick.

...i will watch that chic flick.

...james and shane visited. i wasn't even excited.

...i say, "hang correct capitalization in sentences!"

...i am, needless to say, down.

vague, i know.

2008-02-01T12:36:00.000-08:00

i feel...weird.

Oy vey.

2008-01-30T18:31:00.000-08:00

This is something I've been saying too much. It's been substituted for things I formally said like, "Geez" and "Dang, woman!"
For instance, this evening I was taking a nap after I got home from a day of dusting and scrubbing at the Hall's. I was soaking into my sheets and covers, curled up and in that lovely state of nearly falling asleep and losing all of those ugly freezing sensations, when Jonjon yells, "NAT!"
I groaned and yelled back, "What?"
And the answer came back, that question I've learned to dread over the years, "Can you make the tea?"
I told him to leave me alone and that I was taking a nap. However, I have this guiltiness that is always creeps inside of me when I flatly refuse someone, and so I threw myself over my bed, and complained to the heavens, "OY VEY."

I kind of like the feeling of waking up after a nap, still in my jeans and my hair falling all over the place, discovering under my eyes smeared mascara, and them wishing they had never been opened, and the shortness of breath that follows this. For some reason. I can't explain it.

I finally cleared all of the books off of my bed, so I no longer have all of my belongings (scarves, pants, blankets, alarm clock) strewn all over the family room, where I have been living since Saturday night. In fact, my entire room looks pretty fantastic. I cleaned it.
Half of the wallpaper is no longer on it, and it gives it a sort of ghetto/bad hotel room look I'm enjoying. I've never been happier with the place.

Last night as I was laying in couch, dealing with my insomnia, something shocking hit me. (Don't worry, it was something completely immaterial.)
I could perhaps, maybe, might...be spending Valentine's Day alone!
Not that I usually spend it with some dashing young fellow, but with Amy. But Brett Townsend is Amy's new interest, and Amy is Brett Townsend's new interest, which could mean they would be doing something together on Valentine's Day.

Now I'm walking away, humming the sad Charlie Brown tune to myself, head bowed.
At least I should be.
Maybe I will just ask a boy out before then.
teehee.

2008-01-26T14:28:00.001-08:00

Jeremy Weber, listen to Beirut. they're astoundingly cool.

i am tearing off the wallpaper of my room. right, not steaming, but tearing. my dad came in and tore off a big piece as i was prepping to steam, and i thought, "all right! will do just like that, Pop!" so i've been tearing with my lovely pink knife i got at sears hardware.
my room is going to look unfurnished for a while. :)

2008-01-23T19:41:00.000-08:00

Ever feel that you can't go to bed because you feel so dissatisfied?
You don't want to go to bed because then this dissatisfaction will carry to the next day and therefore, be doubley dissatisfying. This is how I feel.

sometimes nothing is right.

Merry Christmas.

2007-12-21T10:51:00.000-08:00

jump! into the leaves. i raked them just for you.

2007-12-01T15:04:00.000-08:00

Happy First Day of December!

I think this should be a national holiday, the start of the twenty-five days of Christmas! Everyone should go outside and rake in celebration. I did. It was lovely. Listening to my headphones with my friend Bob Dylan singing,

"She's got everything she needs,
She's an artist, she don't look back
She can take the dark out of the nighttime
And paint the daytime black."

It was so cold, but I got used to it, and then it only felt nice after that.
Good old Winter. How good it is.

nothing but a tribute

2007-11-24T21:41:00.001-08:00

"feelings pervate me
that i try to scatter
but since it comes to nothing
they don't really matter
the polyphonic voice
that beckons in my head...
it must be quieted since
my place here is dead."
-Jer.Weber

yes, he has great lyrics, and he's my brother. for life.

i went to see my friend shane play tonight (and some other bands) at a benefit show. i gave a whole $5 to helping the senior towle-ians go on their senior trip. i tried to get my other friend matt, who was manning the money box to let me in for free...but to no avail. instead i gave up and made him draw me an awesome stamp on my right hand.

they'll begin leaving tomorrow and i'll be left at home to study for the SATS and apply to more colleges.
whoop-dee-doo.

2007-11-20T20:39:00.001-08:00

I'm having the worst freaking pain of my life.

Address it to J.Weber, J.Weber, and K.Weber, please.

2007-11-19T22:38:00.000-08:00

Happy Birthday, Brothers and Mom!

i love you all dearly.

2007-11-13T15:34:00.000-08:00

I had the wonderful pleasure this afternoon of singing to a great big bunch of old people.

2007-11-02T09:38:00.001-07:00

I'm officially one of those crazy people that has every kind of blog. One of those people that has to have a part in everything. That's saying something, i know it...perhaps i am living too much through the computer. -and i say this on a blog! blogspot though, i feel is very different from facebook or myspace or xanga. at least for me it is. i'm more personal on blogspot than any of those, mostly because i don't have a full community of blogspotters around me, so i feel that i can be more explicit with what i say on here.

you know what i wish? i wish i could take a writing class on the literary works of J.D. Salinger. i think that would be perfect.

i can't believe this is my senior year in highschool. when i think about the SATs, and how i'll probably do horribly on them and then not get accepted to any colleges, it makes me get this horrible feeling of anxiousness in my stomache. i hate being anxious, it's one of the worst things to feel like. it's like, if you could only stop thinking about the future and worrying about it, then you could have fun now. if only.
man, i don't even know what colleges i'm going to apply to yet. i'll probably apply to Delaware (just because it's so close, but i don't want to go there), Covenant, Carson Newman...but other than that, i don't really know. i just want to go to a college that will be good for me, you know? a place God wants me to be at...but i have no idea what he wants. i need to pray more, and get direction. that's what i need.

Break me off a piece of that...

2007-10-28T21:14:00.000-07:00

If you think you're getting a piece without singing the song, think again, son.
That's my new rule.
Like it? I think it adds a little quirk to life...but only if your life occasionally contains kit kats.

"We are always living in twilight."

2007-10-12T10:21:00.000-07:00

they write songs. really well. songs called "Painting by Chagall" and "Nobody Knows Me", and i'm proud to say that i found them all by myself. i introduced them to my family, who bought their album
"Say I am You" and gave it to me.

they will be pleasant to your ears. check 'em out.

Today is different.

2007-10-07T15:35:00.000-07:00

Friday and Saturday were so unspeakably depressing for me. I woke up on friday, did school, and then made pizza for the bible study that we hold every other week. People came, people went. I knew that nothing was exciting, and nothing was going to lift my mood. Not because I didn't want to feel better, but it was just a gray day with no silver lining. I hung out with some people who are my friends, but who are older than I am. We watched Fight Club, which I wasn't at all yearning to see. I went to sleep at 2:00 and woke up at 12:00 saturday. After going out and picking up some breakfast with Amy, I did school all day and made a dump cake. The day was hot and muggy, and I had a headache all day, a blazin' one. I think the most depressing thing about the day was that I went to a bonfire with my church last night in seventy-five degree weather. I mean, what gives? I called my BFF (haha) Renee to see if she wanted to hang out, but she said that she was hanging out with her mom and watching a movie. She was my last hope, and she was hanging out with her mother.
"This is stupid." I said to myself. Nothing really good or bad was happening: the volume of the day was medium, the grass was withering, and I had a headache.

Today things are different. My sister and brother in-law are officially leaving to florida. I was also just informed that my brother and his girlfriend broke up last night after dating for four years.

Whenever nothing is happening I need to be more content...I feel so bad for JonJon.
Hang in there man.

2007-09-25T19:27:00.000-07:00

The day kate almost broke my finger...

2007-09-25T18:13:00.000-07:00

This post goes out to Mardell Brown, who died last Tuesday.

She went to be with the Lord. A more amazing woman, I have never met.
She was a hero.

tempted by the sunrise, only and hour and a half away

2007-09-21T01:20:00.001-07:00

You may be wondering why I'm awake at this killer hour in the morning. it's 4:20 am. The reason is that I'm dumb and young. Actually, the real reason is that I just read a book for over 6 hours straight and finished it. I realized that I had to be done with it by monday, so why not just finish it before the weekend got started?
Of course now I feel sick to my stomache.
It's so late,
and I think I might die of exhaustion.
But I'm young.
I can handle it.
I've got bags under my eyes,
they would hold a world of travel maps,
they're so big.

They really are. My mum came up and studied my face this morning, and said, "Oh dear, hunny, look at those bags under your eyes...you need more sleep."
And for some reason, now I'm happy about them. They prove that I finished that book (which I thought was neverending).
But now my body's telling me that I need sleep. --And that I'm stupid.

Au voir! Ashante!
(I'm fakin' that french, but I know Johnny M. would smile if he read it).

nw

the Feist show

2007-09-20T08:23:00.000-07:00

These colors are attrocious.

2007-09-10T19:52:00.000-07:00

Yes. That is the last straw. What was I thinking when I made my blog this color? It would be better to be white. Maybe they belong somewhere in the world...like on a Barbie, or a teddy bear, or somewhere where nobody can see it, but certainly not on a blog. At least not mine. The very feeling it gives me I despise. The real tragedy here is that I don't have any time to change it! I'm in need of sleep. I need to sleep away all those hours I spent at my classes and in Chorale. When I got home I grabbed some fast food (plain, soft flour tortilla shells...I have a facination with them) and some ice cold tea, and headed upstairs where I found a Rolling Stones magezine and my new favorites--Band of Horses. It is a fault of mine to not try something because "I don't think I'll like it". Band of Horses, for instance, was discovered by my brothers at the same time that they were (are) into bands like Animal Collective and The Fiery Furnaces. I immedietly thought that this band would be exactly like the others, not that there is anything so very wrong about those bands, but I just can't get into them very well. But I put B of H on my ipod, and I just put everything on my ipod because I have a ton of crazy space on it, and I barely know how to fill it up and I made it a point to try them out...and wala! I'm already beginning to memorize lyrics. So as I was saying, I put this band on, and it calmed me. Today was...rough on my pride. I'm used to having alot of friends wherever I go in school or church, or whatever. However, most of my friends in Mount Sophia graduated last year, and now that I'm taking classes there, I actually have to face the fact that I know not that many people. that. well. There are alot of people my age, but we only exchange short pleasantries like compliments on each other's clothing or hair. I went to my first class, and that was O.K. I met a girl named Matsy who had a neat look and cool freckles, and we talked a little with this other girl named Christy. After class was a little too awkward for me though, I had to stay there for another hour and a half before my next class started. I walked around thinking of what I could possibly do for lunch, and trying to find a nice sitting place where I could get some school work done. Someone I know named Stephen gave me a gingerbread cookie--that was my lunch, boys.

Not for this to be a pity letter or anything, I just want to let you know that this Weber is a dork. Ha! It's true. I knew it was coming. It's a shame, I'm going to have to get used to this new title...haha.

On a much cooler note, I'm going to see Feist on Friday. It should a holy goshen blast. And I hope you know that not all of this ranting-post was entirely serious.

2007-09-02T10:30:00.000-07:00

Seventeen years ago, on the evening of September 1rst, my mom was painting.

At 3 or 4 am on September 2nd, I was born.

So,

Hello, Birthday.

It's their time.

2007-08-28T18:00:00.000-07:00

Renee and Shane are my homefries: they're going to the University of Delaware.
John is discovering Washing State University.
Bethany is going to be off traveling the world.
Jeremy is at Covenant College in Georgia.
Keri, very excitedly, went back to Lancaster Bible College.
Anna to Westchester University.
Hannah went back to Carson Newman in her good old, Dolly Parton-loving state, Tennessee.
Jon went back to Emery and Henry in Virginia.

These are everyday pictures of people who are all very dear to me.
Hurray for friends! And cryptozoology.

Good morning, Baltimore.

2007-08-28T17:15:00.001-07:00

This last boy, "Seaweed", is possibly the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. Just puttin' it out there.
::ahem::
Anyway, Hairspray! It's so fun, I would definitely suggest seeing it sometime. Kate and I went and saw it last night. Right afterward we were like, "Oy! Borders is still open! Let's so buy the soundtrack!" So, that's what we did, kids. We went and bought it before going to our friend Maddie's for a quick cup of coffee. The movie wired me up so much, it was crazy. I'm listening to it right now, and loving it.

2007-08-03T21:27:00.000-07:00

Today I worked a twelve hour shift at the pool. I love my work, but sometimes it annoys me, because when I'm all tired and worn out at the end of the day, I think, "Wait...but all I did was watch people. p-r-e-t-t-y much." Yeah. I know you were thinking it too.
in any case though, i still worked for twelve hours. (if you hadn't noticed, i'm ditching the whole caps-lock-ing-everything-correctly deal. on purpose. it's too tiring.) so, twelve hours! twelve. that's like a good night's sleep plus 4. that's working 6 hours and only halfway through the day. that's like the number of sons Jacob had. the twelve tribes of judah!
This is kind of like what my friend Keri was doing to me tonight. She called me when i got home (at 9:00) and was asking me whether it was the usual hang out night at my house. i told her yes, or that i didn't know because i was tired and just worked that many hours. This is something like what she said:
"what! that's crazy. that's so long...oh my goodness. wow, and it was really hot out today. it was so humid, and hot! oh my gosh, it was 90 degrees. it was so steamin' outside, you poor, poor person...it was boiling."
i calmly replied, "YES, i know."

Anyway, the moral of the story is: keep your chin up. out of the water. or at least your ears, especially if you have an ear infection. like me.

i like this picture, of my friends, johhny and tyler 'n me. and brett.

2007-07-31T16:12:00.000-07:00

The summer goes by too fast, so peace out: throw aside them shorts and do what I just did! Put on some jeans, a belt, and thrust an Anthropologie in your back pocket.

2007-06-09T22:02:00.000-07:00

i hate being in such despair tonight and not knowing why. "what the heck is my problem!", is what i keep thinking. and then i just start tearing up again.
i think i just need sleep. i'm sure that's the answer to my problem--whatever it is.

sorry to john maxwell who kept asking me if i was okay, and i just kept saying, "yeah, i'm fine. i'm just tired."
i felt like saying, "sorry, i know i look like hell, but i really don't know what my problem is...i just want to cry on somebody's shoulder."

i'm not just sleep deprived. there are other things.

it's like i just keep thinking of people's problems, and their hurts, and my heart just cries out in grief.

i need to go to sleep.

A hearty handclasp

2007-05-12T16:18:00.000-07:00

Sometimes i think that a simple, long squeeze of the hand is all someone needs for comfort.
holding hands can be meaningless, but if the hand is held hard, it makes all the difference. to me, it just shows how much the person cares. they care about holding on.
a harsh reprimand from a respected person can tear a person apart.
it seems to happen to me alot. my attitude is almost always (seems like, anyway) wrong.

do i have anything more to add?
i think not...

2007-05-09T19:28:00.000-07:00

You've got plans,
And I've got mine,
But maybe someday our paths'll cross
like a perpendicular line.
For now I won't be sad,
It's just a temporary loss,
So, be GLAAAA-A-AAA-AD
We might meet again in a later life
going together like a fork
and a knife.

i know, i'm bad at it. terribly bad at rhyming. i always think it makes thing sound so cheesey--at least when i try at it.
either way, friends,
remember your poetry.

oh gosh! my site looks so pretty, i can barely get over it!

2007-05-09T19:14:00.000-07:00

an entry dedicated to a boy named justin.
my brother. (no, not "bother"! BROTHER.)
anyway...
he's a cool kid, and he loves jesus.

a blast from the past

2007-04-02T18:14:00.000-07:00

Old photos, I always foget about 'em. Every once in a blue moon, however, I'll remember them...it's always good to remember those times.

i took these. it took me forty minutes. happy st. patrick's day.

2007-03-16T01:33:00.000-07:00

"You were born with the sun shimmering in your eyes,
Pools showing your sudden exhistance.
For the first time wetting the world with your tears,
O, little one, it'll happen again."
-anonymous

pretty, huh? i thought so.

We're the fans, and she is THE Regina Spektor.

2007-01-22T18:51:00.000-08:00

yup. that's her, and boy was she amazing! i was so excited when my friend Bethany asked me to go with her, her parents, jenna, and becca to see Regina Spektor. i was jumping up and down--and so was my heart, i couldn't restrain it--and saying "yes! yess..."

it was a great thing, so see her play. she's so good in person...almost better than on the cd. she played tons of stuff from all of her different albums. the first thing she said when she walked on stage and the crowd ERUPTED, was, "Hello...why are there so many of you?"
it was funny, she was a funny gal. very smiley and young, and just poured herself into the music she was playing, and making sounds along with the music. i think she could definitely do beat-box if she wanted.

i was on my tippy toes half the time trying to see her over all the heads (we were on the floor level about 15 ft. from the stage), and so afterwards my lower back and calves hurt like a mother.

sampson went back to bed,

not much hair left on his head,

ate a slice of wonderbread and then went back to bed,

i cut his hair myself one night,

a pair of dull scissors and a yellow light,

told me that i'd done alright,

kissed me till the mornin' light, the mornin' light...

she said "thank you guys so much!" and left, but returned for the oncore singing this song and another one. i was excited. it's one of my favorites.

so, good night to all, and to all a good night.

2007-01-17T14:33:00.000-08:00

Hark! I hear songs of Christmas!

2006-12-11T20:53:00.000-08:00

Tonight was our Tristate Chorale concert. I must say, we did...

okay?

kind of.

I felt a little stupid because us girls sang Jingle Bell Rock, and the senior girls did their own special dance to it (dressed as Mrs. Santas--adorable!!!), and the rest of us underclassmen wore top hats and stepped to it and stuff. So! It was quite the performance. The senior girls did great, but the rest of us, on the other hand, kind of had some trouble with the words. At one point we just comepletely got mixed up.

Snowin' and blowin', dancin' an' prancin', it's uber easy to get those phrases switched.

And here Kristen and I we kind of the leaders of everybody. O well! What can ya do?

We tried, and it was fun anyway. We laughed it off.

But we sang White Christmas, and where can you go wrong with that one? It a beaut of a classic old song, and gets you in a total Christmas spirit.

HURRAY. I do love these people below.

Snow, snow, snow...We'll soon be there with all the snow...

love!

I Wonder as I Wander

2006-12-09T14:49:00.000-08:00

It's a sad thing, to have an animal you've known your whole

life die. It wasn't even my animal, I just take care of it and let it out when it's owners are gone.

"I hate to see her suffer", she said to me.

I agreed.

But I walked home, and really couldn't tell why I was so upset.

This dog has always been so calm and beautiful to me. I loved her.

Golden retrievers always have this wonderful way of making it look like they're smiling all the time.

write!

2006-11-13T19:57:00.000-08:00

Stormed away like the tempest,
Carried away on a zephyr,
blown by the wind.
Controlling, is the night wind,
And controlled, is the one blown by it.

It’s convenient, at least,
That it only blows me in one direction.
Whether north or east,
In only one direction.

I wonder, as I watch
The leaves in the wind,
Whether they like it to be blown
In an air whirlpool.
They dance about,
As though they had not a care.
And I wonder, what it feels like

To be blown about like the leaves
Stormed away like the tempest,
Carried away on a zephyr,
blown by the wind.

Though romantic it may sound,
I am glad I am not like the leaves
That are gone at the touch of a breeze,
And stormed away,
Across my path.

2006-10-30T18:40:00.000-08:00

2006-10-04T09:53:00.000-07:00

2006-10-02T19:08:00.000-07:00

Once again I’m tredding,
On the familiar,
Yet now on the unfamiliar.
It’s all there though, I know
Just in different form, some things fell,
Some things rose and soared.
I know this place; it’s engraved in my memory forever.
All the laughter, all the mud
All the solitary tramps I had on the first snow,
We fished
The leaves out of the stream
We made tea,
From the ever shining spring sun.

I want to go, to run,
Oh yes, face the unfamiliar with me.
You can run head, just wait,
please wait for me to catch up.
I’ll always wait.

A Piece of My Heart

2006-09-27T16:20:00.000-07:00

I've had alot of solitude lately, i'm really growing accustomed to it. i'm not sure whether i like it or not yet. everynow and then it cuts me to pieces when i arrive home at the end of the day, where i either find everyone in bed, or the family is out for the evening. i've definitely been spending more time in the upstairs quarters than before, but only because there's not much room downstairs to dwell in.
the other day the dear (whisteling) neighbor Mr. VanDerBurgh asked me, after i was talking to him and i was walking back to the house, "you home alone?"
i answered a simple, "yep. it seems to happen alot these days." i smiled as i said this, but my insides were crumbeling at the realization. yes, i am home alone alot.
i cry out for company.
i long for one of these beautiful afternoons where i can flee from my ever calling homework and take a camera out with kate and we can take tons of pictures in some field where the grass has grown too high.

haha, i really shouldn't complain. most people when they talk of having not much company, they really mean no company. they are re the people who have had all of their older siblings for off to college and are just waiting for their turn to move on because home life is not so exciting as it used to be. i, on the other hand, still have 4 siblings living at home. sometimes i don't see Justin for a day or two though, Brett is usually either sleeping or at Eileen's or with Paul, and Kate is mostly on campus (when she's home i cherish her, to be sure).
well. i have the Ryan. he's a good kid, and i love him.

speaking of hair dye...Kate and i are going to dye our hair tomorrow, Lord willing. not anything drastic, but just a little darker for both of us. mine we'll probably dye it a darker brown and i'm not sure what for Kate. the 24 wash-out kind. :) it's gonna be swell.

and there you have it.

"Oh, I wish I had a river I could skate away on."

2006-09-22T21:53:00.000-07:00

thanks to kate for these amazing crocs. it's not like she gave them to me or anything, but you know, we're sharing kind of girls. tonight i also wore my jean jacket and hoodie combo for the first time this fall...but that's not saying much because only it's the first day of fall.

you know those times in our individual christian walks where we have this little dry spell, where nothing really sounds fresh or there isn't anything that makes us want to burst out in a shout of joy, we don't find anything to be passionate about?
well, that's kind of been my week in a sentence, the only thing worth talking about, really. but yesterday night (thursday night), we had bible study which my dad leads. it was the first of one this semester. as i was thinking of what i should post about i looked to my left to see the old chalk board. that old chalk board has had so many genius things written by my dad on it over the length of its existence, it is amazing. every tuesday night my dad and i get together to talk about my chemistry, math, and spanish confusions and questions, and he writes graphs and diagrams on it and things to help me visualize things and to make me understand better. well, --back to the bible study thing. he decided to make a little illustration of what he was teaching on. de drew a circle on the left, and a circle on the right. the circle on the left held all the nature of sin and the consequences, such as: darkness, death, wicked, sinners, flesh, judgment, and condemnation. on the right he wrote the contrast and opposite of those things: life, light, Christ, saints, righteous(ness), spirit, forgiveness, and mercy.
he drew an arrow going from the left circle into the right, and put a cross sort of in the middle. and, it's not like i never thought of this sort of thing, i think i may have taught my bible study on it, but it was something that i wished he would just keep talkign about. just keep going...the way we were, and now the way we are in Christ Jesus our Lord. When we're in the bondage of sin, we are in satan's domain, in his power, we were wicked, did things "according to the flesh", there was judgment. but when we crossed over, when at one point we believe in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, we are saved, and thus we are passed through darkness and into light, we are God's, we're made righteous through Jesus, we have forgiveness, and the Spirit of God dwells in us.
that dry spell was taken away by these words...i thought, and realized the truth of this, and how holy and loving God is. my Father in heaven. to think that one day i will go to be with him because He sought and saved me, is a thought i never want to stop thinking. in heaven someday i will go to my home and praise Him forevermore. there will be no more crying or pain. it will be an everlasting joy.
it brings my heart alive, to praise the Almighty God.
He is so holy, and i so lowly, but praise be to Him, because i am saved through the blood of Jesus Christ.

2006-09-14T16:46:00.000-07:00

It's in Japanese, I tell you.

2006-09-14T16:26:00.000-07:00

this blogger stuff is comfusing.

today i am tired. today it's raining cats and dogs. though i wish it would only rain kittens and dogs. i would like that much better.

Architecture in Helsinki concert: 16 days baby!
it's gonna be uber-super-sweet time. it's brett, kate, justin, about 4 of justin's art friends, and i. !!!
oh yeah. and Clap Your Hands Say Yeah and this other band (don't know what they're called though, it's like Tako Tako or something).

my spanish is calling, so Adios! heh. i'm so bad at it. i can't trill me Rs worth beans. oh well, practice makes pretty perfect.

2006-09-13T17:06:00.000-07:00

hello world.